most people tell me that for me, it will be easy once i have my children as i am used to and have experience. I think it is somehow true. I am in no way saying that being a parent is an easy matter but i will definately have a slight advantage due to my experience with children, be it from work, babysitting, volunteering etc. I feel confident looking after babies, toddlers, 7 year olds etc but teenagers.. now thats a different story.
this year most of the children are now teenagers, and by that i dont only mean from 13 onwards, but more the mentality, interests, mannerism, maturity, all follow those of teenagers. Where ever you are it seems like the issues are the same.. even though luckily here in the village you wont find a spoilt teenager.
looking after children is fairly straight forward - spoil them, you will get tantrums, be strict they will usually obey, etc.. childrens behaviour is a consequence of what you clearly taught them. but looking after teenagers is not so straight forward. teenagers behaviour is not about what you taught them or how you disciplined them as such - just see the many rebelious teenagers from very conservative families - it is the true values you showed them, a copy of your behaviour and beliefs, the love and affection you gave or lacked in giving them all mixed together.
but i know that i am very inexeprienced in this matter and in fact im sure i will be saying something else next week, but from my experience here with these children i found that looking after teenagers is a game, one false move and you are out, but yet another move can give you an advantage of ten points.
it is between showing them love and discipling them at the same time, being their friend and mother, guiding them through life and letting them free to make their own mistakes, supporting them even if its not your idea, letting them live life as you did whilst staying at home quietly biting every last bit of your fingernails until they come back, loving them even through their mistakes, showing disappointment when they do wrong but constant support, listening to them and understanding their behaviour, remembering about the crazy hormones and changes that one goes through, speaking to them like adults even though they are still children in your eyes, giving importance to their problems as they might seem big to them even when we know how small they are compared to other issues they will come across, giving them a benefit of doubt, closing an eye,...
it is not easy, i am in constant battle here with them, i have tried different approaches and still didnt figure out what is the best.. definately no extreme is good, meaning being solely a discipliner or a friend, one must find that balance between both.
today is my mothers birthday, she is 60, and spent half of her years looking after my sister and i. it is now that i am experiencing some sort of mother hood that i understand a bit what she went through. my mother always gave us freedom, sometimes i felt like she didnt care, but i think she did, and loved us so much to let us be free and live life instead of keeping us in her nest. she thought us all the right values and principles and then left it up to us. she sat in silence watching us live our life, even when she knew we might get burnt sometimes. I am sure my mother knew how stubborn i was, especially as a teenager, she knew i had to feel things on my own skin to learn .. so she let me, but i can also imagine how much it hurt her seeing me do certain mistakes. thank you mum, for letting me grow up in freedom but yet still have the backup of a loving family, for seeing my mistakes but not judging me, for allowing me to develop and become independent.
Happy birthday!!! I hope you have a great day and I am truly sorry i am missing out on your day to be here, but thank you for not making me guilty about it.
