growing with your children

most people tell me that for me, it will be easy once i have my children as i am used to and have experience. I think it is somehow true. I am in no way saying that being a parent is an easy matter but i will definately have a slight advantage due to my experience with children, be it from work, babysitting, volunteering etc. I feel confident looking after babies, toddlers, 7 year olds etc but teenagers.. now thats a different story.
this year most of the children are now teenagers, and by that i dont only mean from 13 onwards, but more the mentality, interests, mannerism, maturity, all follow those of teenagers. Where ever you are it seems like the issues are the same.. even though luckily here in the village you wont find a spoilt teenager.

looking after children is fairly straight forward - spoil them, you will get tantrums, be strict they will usually obey, etc.. childrens behaviour is a consequence of what you clearly taught them. but looking after teenagers is not so straight forward. teenagers behaviour is not about what you taught them or how you disciplined them as such - just see the many rebelious teenagers from very conservative families - it is the true values you showed them, a copy of your behaviour and beliefs, the love and affection you gave or lacked in giving them all mixed together.

but i know that i am very inexeprienced in this matter and in fact im sure i will be saying something else next week, but from my experience here with these children i found that looking after teenagers is a game, one false move and you are out, but yet another move can give you an advantage of ten points.

it is between showing them love and discipling them at the same time, being their friend and mother, guiding them through life and letting them free to make their own mistakes, supporting them even if its not your idea, letting them live life as you did whilst staying at home quietly biting every last bit of your fingernails until they come back, loving them even through their mistakes, showing disappointment when they do wrong but constant support, listening to them and understanding their behaviour, remembering about the crazy hormones and changes that one goes through, speaking to them like adults even though they are still children in your eyes, giving importance to their problems as they might seem big to them even when we know how small they are compared to other issues they will come across, giving them a benefit of doubt, closing an eye,...


it is not easy, i am in constant battle here with them, i have tried different approaches and still didnt figure out what is the best.. definately no extreme is good, meaning being solely a discipliner or a friend, one must find that balance between both.

today is my mothers birthday, she is 60, and spent half of her years looking after my sister and i. it is now that i am experiencing some sort of mother hood that i understand a bit what she went through. my mother always gave us freedom, sometimes i felt like she didnt care, but i think she did, and loved us so much to let us be free and live life instead of keeping us in her nest. she thought us all the right values and principles and then left it up to us. she sat in silence watching us live our life, even when she knew we might get burnt sometimes. I am sure my mother knew how stubborn i was, especially as a teenager, she knew i had to feel things on my own skin to learn .. so she let me, but i can also imagine how much it hurt her seeing me do certain mistakes. thank you mum, for letting me grow up in freedom but yet still have the backup of a loving family, for seeing my mistakes but not judging me, for allowing me to develop and become independent.

Happy birthday!!! I hope you have a great day and I am truly sorry i am missing out on your day to be here, but thank you for not making me guilty about it.

all that seems perfect

Nothing is perfect and that is certain. new year, new experience, same place, same children but all so different.

Yet again imhere in uganda.. with the children that  i love so much, but they jve grown all so much. their innocence is gone.. most are now curious teenagers. and just like teenagers all over the world comes ll hose usual issues, and with each one that comes up my heart hurts a bit as iknow they are no longer little kids but their need for affection  is still there.

3 months passed and it has truly been  challenging experience, nothing like last years.. its all bittersweet.

A perfect recipe

Below is a very simple recipe to happiness. All ingredients are easily available.
for this you need:

A jug of health
Half  a tea spoon of a clear mind
1 tea spoon of hope
1 table spoon of will and motivation
A hand full of friends and family, (you can put in your own portions - this is all based on your personal taste)
a pinch of work
half a cup of hobbies
a cup of love
sprinkle with a lot of smiles and positivity
and this would be perfect if you join it all with a partner

Other peoples words

 

"don't get me wrong when i say this, i like you, you are a nice person, but i would eat you if i had to" - discussion i had in a bar about the extra value put on humans and the little value given to animals. F.

Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul.
Democritus



The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts; therefore guard accordingly.
Marcus Aurelius


Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. Aristotle

The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.
Thales


Life is the sum of your choices.
— Albert Camus


Change has long been a fearful thing for human beings ... and at the same time, it is our most Divine opportunity. Clinging to the banks of the river may seem safe and more secure, but life's possibilities are truly engaged only when we trust, release and become part of The Flow of the Universe.
— Chelle Thompson, Editor of Inspiration Line

A dream you dream alone is only a dream
A dream you dream together is reality ~ Yoko Ono

"The opinion which other people have of you is their problem, not yours."
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Anaïs Nin

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
Jimi Hendrix

"I believe that we are constantly experiencing transformation and that’s why we need to let life guide us.

Every day is different, every day can have a magic moment, but we don’t see the opportunity, because we think: ‘Oh this is boring I’m just commuting to work.’
How many interesting people you are missing, just because our parents told us “don’t talk to strangers”?
You must get as much as you can from any journey, because – in the end – the journey is all you have. It doesn’t matter what you accumulate in terms of material wealth, because you are going to die anyway, so why not live?"
- Paulo Coleho

"..Of all the powerful weapons of destruction that man has invented, the most terrible – and the most cowardly – is the word....
Check to see if you yourself are using this weapon.
Check to see if someone is using this weapon on you. And put a stop to both."

"...talk to strangers. Connecting to people is a blessing, not a threat"
- Paolo Coelho

“When the sun rises, it rises for everyone.”

“There are always flowers for those who want to see them.”
 - Henri Matisse

“If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything.”
 - Malcolm X

“A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.”
- Gandhi

Don't trust the smile, trust the actions
- Lionel Ritchie

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
- Henry Ford


You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
- Henry Ford

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.
- Henry Ford

Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
- Helen Keller

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
- Eleanor Roosevelt

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard

People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be
- Abraham Lincoln

The only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
Judy Garland

The best you can be at any given moment is yourself.
Elizabeth Alraune

Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone else's life.
Kobi Yamada

“Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met”

“I hope your dreams take you... to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.”

"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
Dr. L.J.Peter

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

“Anyone who angers you conquers you”

“You should make a woman angry if you wish her to love”

"There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.”

“Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.”

“Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it”

“The best answer to anger is silence.”

I introduce you to..

This beautiful young girl is Monica Nassande a 7 year old Ugandian girl. I was very lucky to meet her in my last weeks there. Besides being absolutely mesmerized by her beauty she taught me alot. She is a lively little girl who gets along with everyone and is brave and fearless. She managed to conquer even the coldest of hearts. Is not conditioned yet by what is right or wrong, so what she does is in complete innocence and from her heart. She is enthusiastic, fun and a sensitive girl.
I first met her when I went deep in the bushes to pick up another neglected little girl. Both living in mud huts, these children where far off from others and all what they knew was their area and their mixed family. Coming back to the orphanage, a few days later, her cousin who is now at the orphanage, but lives in the same hut told us that when we left she was crying to come with us. At 7 years she was ready to leave home because she knew she had a chance for a better future. So we called them (her and her brother) to come and they came the next day bright and early at 7am! immediately she got attached to me and made friends with the others... adaptation to the rules and routine of the orphanage took a bit longer - but thats what makes her special!

What is volunteering and how does it differ to charity?

               A volunteer is someone who decides out of their own free will to actively participate in a cause that they believe in with the hope of improving the situation and help reach the aim of the cause or organisation.  

One can be a ‘free-lance’ volunteer by dedicating some of their time or resources for one or more voluntary organisatons without necessarily forming part of any organisation. For example one can be a volunteer at events organised by NGO’S, non-profit organisations or voluntary organisations. 

One can also be part of an organisation including the committee, group or community. This usually involves more commitment then the above and when one joins an organisation it is usually required and beneficial to believe in the mission statement of the group as one becomes a representative of that organisation.

Each volunteer can decide to dedicate whatever amount of time they have or any of their resources such as talents, knowledge, etc. 

               The difference between volunteering and charity is that volunteers actively participate in the organisations efforts to reach their aim of whatever cause they work on. Whilst charity is about donating money, tools, food, etc to an organisation without hands on experience. On the hand volunteers donate their time and raise money through various fundraising activities. Whilst a donor might not know exactly where the money is going and in some cases might have secondary reasons why to sponsor certain activities such as companies to create a positive image. The volunteer has lived and experienced the problems of the cause they work with and therefore can create awareness. It is important to note that most volunteers wouldn’t be able to proceed helping the causes they support if it weren’t for the generosity of donors and therefore they compliment each other. 

There are different types of people and different types of volunteers too but many volunteers will tell you that volunteering is a way of life. Through volunteering one gains experience, education and knowledge and therefore also gains from their voluntary experience. Volunteering also produces more socially conscious people. It forms communities and creates a sense of belonging, aim and motivation in life. It empowers people and gives them self worth. It also encourages people to aim and achieve more and brings out leadership qualities which will help in any work place and society in general. 

Volunteering is therefore very beneficial not only for society as it accounts for a large part of the working society which is not accounted for but also for the volunteer. A volunteer is therefore considered to have those special qualities which unites volunteers from all over the world.  I personally believe that everybody should try a volunteering experience, be it for a day or a longer period. It is entering a different world where one puts others before him/herself and can also experience the beauty of simplicity.

From Bukuumi to Biatorgby

Now I find myself in a small village close to Budapest. Here life is completely different. I have been here for a week already and know very few people of the village - there were no official introductions or speeches during mass and I blend in with all the others.
It is a nice village made up of big, well kept houses, but yet from what i heard, even though they have all of this most spend the days working, some are going through divorce and children are left with us at the playschool all day. All is well and good though because the school is good and they are treated well. I also am slowly caring for the children and enjoy their company as usual more than i enjoy that of adults.

so here i am volunteering in a play school, which i thought at first was one equipped for disadvantaged children, just as i thought this was more of a slum sort of village but i was wrong and so i was initially disappointed. Now i came to realise that i might not need to give these children as all the other children i previously worked with, but here i can still bond with them, because children are children and they use very specialised therapy for certain children which is very interesting to see and learn.
I will therefore use this stay to gain as much experience to help me with the children i will be working with in the future. in particular my little friends in bukuumi, which i will be going back to. I miss them.. my little ones..but these will help me fill the void whilst im here.